Dec. 24, 2010

     Had my 5th chemotherapy yesterday.  All is well on the front lines, stomach pretty good, eating well, slept well.  Doctors report was very good!  He said my heart is good, my white count was good, and he gave me the standard dose of all my drugs.  I have gained another pound and a half, although it seems that it should be more considering all I have been eating!!  All in all, I am feeling very well.  The PET scan I had a few weeks ago showed almost all the lymphoma gone!  Just a small area near my collarbone which is mostly gone!  I am very thankful to be doing so well, feeling my energy return, my flesh come back, and the hope that I may live to see my great-grandkids return!
     I am turning my attention to the battle as it wages on a cellular level. I have been reading and questioning all my doctors about what is involved in Epstein-Barr virus caused lymphoma.  Apparently the virus can damage DNA, messing with the code inside.  Usually your immune system destroys such cells, but under some unknown circumstances, maybe your immune system is just a little down, one of these cells can escape detection and begin to multiply at a much greater rate than your normal cells.  Also, these virus damaged cells don't die as they have lost their normal instructions.  A normal white blood cell lives about 3 weeks, and then is replaced by a new white cell formed in the bone marrow.  But the damaged cell group quickly takes over the other white cells, multiplying and birthing more damaged cells, and it eventually causes lymphoma.  
     So, the question is how do I remain a "good steward" of the healthy body God gave me in the future?  I am on a quest to educate myself from all areas of thought, from conventional medicine, naturalpathic medicine, acupuncture, etc. to do all I can to keep the health the Lord has restored to me.  I believe this to be the prudent direction to go in the future.  After all, even though we know the Lord will heal us, we still are responsible to drive carefully, eat healthy, exercise, basically do what we can to keep healthy, or to be a good steward of the healthy bodies God gave us.
       Again, my thoughts go the the soldier in an earthly battle.  He trusts in the wisdom from his commanders, who are undoubtedly spending hours both alone and collectively pouring over every detail they can gather concerning the enemy and how he works.  Can they learn enough to "figure out the enemy" in order to thwart his next attack?  Can he be beaten even before he strikes, thus saving many troops from battle?  Can they be smarter than him?  If so, they can happily release the soldiers from the burden of war and send them home to their lives and loves.  Our troops are trusting in the wisdom of their commanding team, and are ready to move forward or retreat if bidden.  They are ready to fight, risking their lives if need be, to protect the greater good.  How heroic they are!  I feel weak in comparison, but thankfully I don't stand alone in this war!  I have a faithful force of prayer partners, a great family who are ever waiting to do my bidding, a terrific husband who gives me strength and direction on an earthly level, but most of all a loving God who holds my hand, comforts me and gives me hope.  He has actually done the fighting for me and replaced my disease with health!  He has given me beauty for ashes, and I can never thank Him enough!!
     Why do we wait so long before completely turning to Him in trouble or in happy times?  What is it about us that makes us think we can do things independently from Him?   Do we think Him to be too busy?  Are we afraid He will straddle us with a job we are hesitant to do?   Rethink your life habits.  Turn to Him quickly and often - you will only receive blessing!!
                                                                                      Merry Christmas!!

Friday, Dec. 3rd

    The war goes on, but truthfully, I am a soldier who has been protected through the heat of battle.  Hard combat has thus far passed me by!  All the assaults have been miraculously deflected by my Lord, my husband, my terrific family, and all my prayer partners. 
     My struggle took place in pre-war times, before I knew I had such a formidable enemy.  My enemy was camouflaged very well, wreaking havoc in my body for months - possibly years.  Once he was exposed, and I knew I had to fight and prepared myself as well as possible for the war, my victory began. Somehow, as I sit in the battlefield of the chemo room at the Cancer Institute, and I hear other soldiers telling of their wars with sometimes horrific details, I wonder at the mercy of my God to come to my aid so completely.  Doesn't He remember my sins?  Doesn't He remember all the times I ignored Him in my attitude?  My unfaithfulness, even in light of His faithfulness?  Apparently not, and He proves to me that "His mercies are new every morning"!
     Today I had my 4th chemo treatment.  I had such a good white cell count that I will be allowed to skip the Newlasta shot which makes me feel sore and tired.  My weight is still good, and the Dr. says I am doing great!  I have some new orders from him - I will have another PET scan, heart test and lung test this week and I know the results will be good.
     As I sit and write to all my loved ones waiting for me to be through with the war, and contemplate my lot, I feel so blessed and so undeservedly favored.  Yes, I am still in the war, war against months of stomach pain and seeing 30 pounds of my flesh melt away to expose my bones, months of painful arthritis which made it hard to move, tiredness so complete it took away my desire to do even the smallest non-essential things, and the fear caused by a desperate inner voice telling me that I must be very sick.  But that victory is soon and sure!  This soldier thanks you for your prayers, but rejoice with me too!!